Who Me?

For the last month or so, we’ve had an intern at the office from “Croak Croak”. For the past few weeks, I’ve had to look at his ugly black Darth Vader bear every time I walk by his desk, which is next to the CEO’s office. I’ve been wanting to say or do something about the hideous thing, but never had the opportunity.

Anyway, I finally had a chance to get into some mischief last Friday afternoon when Young Croak went for a smoke. I grabbed his bear, hung it up by a lanyard and pinned it to his work space partition with a little note. Here is the result:

When he came back from his cigarette break and saw it, he immediately looked at me. I wonder how he could have figured that out so quickly hee hee. I never admitted to playing the practical joke, though when I tried to take the bear down, he wouldn’t let me as he wanted the CEO to see it! I knew that it definitely wouldn’t have been a wise career move so I bided my time. Young Croak’s weakness is that he needs his nicotine and I know that he has to go downstairs for a fix on a regular basis.

I didn’t have to wait long. The next time he went out, I rushed over to his desk, took down the evidence of my handiwork and put the bear back to where it had originally been standing. Ah, but I left him a little hint of “who done it”:

I love Fridays! Innocent smile...

What I Want vs. What I Should Do

I have really been feeling jaded these past few weeks and I am at that point where I would like to jack it all in and move to be with P. Unfortunately, I have responsibilities here e.g. my apartment will be ready in the next month or two (fingers crossed as I can't wait to get my hands on it!) and I need to get things sorted out. I realize that once you own a property, you are no longer “footloose and fancy free”. I can’t just up and leave as I have to oversee its furnishing and eventual rental.

But it is not just the property that holds me back. Although P has started his new job, I do not want to give up work before I have the right to do so in London. And this will not happen until we are married and I have the proper visa in place. It is a drag and I hate being without him. I do have friends here that I go out with, but it’s just not the same as having my best friend and soul mate with me on a daily basis. I am really missing the person who in a large part, keeps me sane (or as sane as I can expect to be under the circumstances).

I miss being young and carefree and a few years ago, I would have given up my life and dashed off to London just because I wanted to. Now, I am tied down by brick, mortar and a sense of responsibility. When did I wake up and get so old?

On the family front, things have settled down since my last blog entry, but I still feel that I have nothing in common with them. My aunt and I have spoken and we have decided that although things were said in the heat of the moment and there are no hard feelings, we will take a bit of a time out. We are in very different places in life and sometimes, it’s good just to get on and deal with what we need to. Her focus is on her sick sister, and my focus is on P and the future that we are building together.

My dad has also made arrangements to have dinner with me this week but I wonder if we really have anything genuine to say to each other? One small word can set both of us off and I guess we just have different expectations. The years where I needed a father were from when I was 0 to 21. Now my needs have changed and my family has not been my base for a long time. Before I met P, I was my own rock. For many years, the only person I could rely on was me as my family was busy starring in their own melodrama.

To add stress on top of everything else, there are also constant power struggles at work which I have to try to avoid. And while most of the wedding has already been organized, there are always bits and pieces popping up all the time and no, it doesn’t always run smoothly. So I am a little tired and am definitely on a very short fuse. I find myself becoming rather intolerant of both my family and friends and know that I definitely need to take a breather to get centered again.

I am conscious of whinging about my situation instead of doing something about it. However, instead of jumping from the frying pan into the fire, I have given myself a few weeks to think things through. I am sure that I will feel much better once I am living in my own apartment and can enjoy the fruit of all my years of work. And if I know that my place is not going to be ready until a certain point in them, then I can also make alternative plans.

Oh what I would give to be rich and to take a few months off from real life and just go shopping in Milan and Paris! Well, you can’t blame a girl for dreaming…..

What a Difference a Day Makes

In the last entry, I wrote about my favourite Aunt Angela. In this entry, I have to write about my favourite Aunt Angela "who isn't very happy with me right now"!

What brought all this about? Well, I promised her that I wouldn't write about it on the blog and I will keep my word. Besides which, the issue that we caused us to disagree is not the point anyway. The thing is, my parents' generation always wants to tell us how to think and behave. If we don't agree with them, that's when problems crop up.

I have spent a lot of time questioning the dynamics within my family and these are the thoughts that come to mind.

My dad has often said that he loves me, but I realize that this is a conditional type of love. He only speaks to me when I say what he wants to hear and if for any reason I don't, he goes off in a huff! Kind of like me in a way, but hey, I'm not the parent! Their generation is so different from how we are now. I can't speak for other cultures, but for the Chinese, the elders' word is law and being filial equates doing what they wish and not talking back to them. I'm sure you guys can all see me doing that right?! Nooooooot!

I have spent nine years away from this small island, and you can't help but be influenced by your environment. During the formative ages of 16 to 21, I went to university in the City by the Bay. I had a lot of friends from all over the world and started to see life in a different light. I love being Asian, but I don't agree with everything in my culture. Blind obedience is one of them.

I absolutely detest people telling me what to do and this is the point of contention between my aunt and myself. She has told me before not to write negative things on the blog (this is not what we argued about today) but as I said to her, "Once only good things happen to me, then I will only write about good things." Life is both about the positive and negative, and you can't have one without the other. My solution is to take her off the blog's mailing list as my writing seems to cause her a lot of distress and that is definitely not what I want. In the same vein, there are some TV programmes that cause me sleepless nights so I don't watch them! Very simple really.

Many of you have told me how much you enjoy reading the blog and how funny it is. I'm sure part of why you guys think so is because I am completely honest and say exactly what I think and feel. Yes, I do have a bit of a sharp tongue at times, but I think it adds character to my personality, even if I do say so myself, ahem! ;-)

I know that my family is messed up, and I include myself in this category. I have never put it on the blog before, but P's nickname for me is "Nutty Bird" ha ha. I laugh because I know it to be true and I'm not afraid to admit to my failings and weaknesses. I am INCREDIBLY lucky to have found this man (even if it was in a wh*re house) who loves me as I am! And I thank god every day that he's in my life. He has since started his new job as the IT Manager for a multi-national financial group and that has taken some of the stress off us.

Today, I asked him if he still wanted to marry me, that it's not late for him to make his escape! He has been kept in the loop with regards to what my aunt and I argued about, and he's also well aware of the tenuous relationship I've always had with my family. I wanted to make sure that he knows what he's getting himself into and that I do come from a damaged family. He assured me that he knows FULL well how crazy we all are and that he loves me anyway. Thank goodness for that then!

When I was younger, I often wished that I didn't have the parents I did and that I had been adopted by a really nice family in Europe! Maybe I would have grown up to be a well-balanced adult and not be as abrasive as I am? Who knows? Anyway, it's too late for that now and I am just doing my best in the life that I do have.

At some point, I hope that my aunt can accept that I have my own opinions and that it is always going to be that way. Failing that, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree!

My Cousin and Me

On Friday night, I had dinner with my favourite Aunt Angela and her 12-year-old daughter Allie. When I passed over our wedding invitation card, Allie made a face when she read it and said, "Ewww, the theme is glamourous! Can I wear jeans?!"

I gave her 'the look', which meant a definite no, so we decided to go shopping the next day to try and find her a suitable dress. I love my Aunt dearly, but I know her very well. If she had her way, Allie would be in a high-necked floor-length floral dress suited for the cast of Little House on the Prairie!

I didn't realize how difficult dressing a pre-teen would be though. Allie is Eurasian and very pretty, and she'll definitely grow up to be a stunner and blow the rest of us cousins out of the water when she's a bit older. But right now, she's in that between stage where she's 'not a girl, not yet a woman'. She's smaller on top and bigger on the bottom (blame her German father ha ha) and of course hasn't grown into her real shape yet.

Being about the same size as I am and looking like a 16-year-old, I sometimes forget how young she still is. I was getting her to try on halter necks and spaghetti-strapped lingerie dresses, which of course made her feel completely uncomfortable.

We went to a few shops but just couldn't find anything that hit the right note so we sat down and had a bit of a chat. It was really sad to hear her say that she felt fat. She's definitely not a skinny girl, but she's by no means overweight. But it must seem that way to her because she comes from a family of really slim girls. The average height and weight for the female cousins is probably about 5'6 and 50kg and our aunts are even tinier. What makes it worse is that Allie is often told she's fat by the older generation.

Of course that makes her even more insecure, which I am afraid will cause her to look to food for comfort. I recognize the cycle because I have suffered from eating disorders myself. When I was 16, I weighed only 43kg (I'm now about 53kg) and thought I was fat. I spent years hating the way I looked and constantly battled an unhealthy self image. I thought I was the ugliest thing on God's great earth and it took me years to overcome this. I don't want my cousin to go through the same thing. I told Allie that she is beautiful but I don't think she believed me. Many of my friends who have met her always tell me how pretty she is, so it's definitely true.

I know that my parents' generation don't believe in praising their kids because they think it 'makes your head swell' but in fact, they have got it all wrong. Their lack of encouragement is actually what makes us more scr*wed up. It is too late for my parents to learn this, but hopefully not for others.

Anyway, we couldn't find Allie anything in the shops, but she came back to my place and tried on a red jersey dress that fit her just right. So she has taken it home and hopefully will wear it for the wedding. I've also invited her to join me whilst I get ready on the wedding day and I think we'll have a great time.

My day with Allie was unexpected and gave me some food for thought. She has always had a bit of an attitude around me, but I realize now that it's only because she is looking for attention. When it was just the two of us, we actually get along really well. I speak to her as if she's an adult because frankly, what do I know about relating to kids? I could be wrong but I really think she appreciates that I don't patronize or talk down to her. I had a really nice day and yes, I am surprised!

Service with a Smile?

Sod that, make it a scowl and you might even have to pay for it if you're lucky!

What is it with lousy service at F&B establishments on our small island? Not only did we have trouble finding a venue to host our wedding dinner, it is also not proving easy to find a fun place for our guests to party afterwards.

My flatmate Rachel recently started dating a very cool guy, the Sweed, who manages an up and coming bar in the financial district. I thought it would be nice to show our support and have the post-dinner drinks at their group's other bar which is by the river. Along the same lines, the outdoor venue where we are celebrating our wedding is owned by a long-time friend of mine, and his very successful F&B group provides incredibly good service.

So when Rachel recommended this post-party place, I thought it would work out well as our wedding venue is only a short bum boat ride away. The bar is called 'the activity that people do when they have s*x with someone for one night and never see them again'. I don't understood that phrase though, as there is normally more laying down involved! At least if you are my age and have gammy knees ha ha.

Anyway, the Sweed spoke to the bar manager (for accuracy's sake, let's call him A** Hole) and Rachel followed up with an email informing him of our requirements. Basically we wanted to reserve a seating area for 20 people next to the dance floor, purchase a couple of vodka bottles, have light snacks for our guests at midnight, and for the DJ to play our first dance song, "Everything" by Michael Buble. Not too difficult you might think, but evidently more so than this expatriate bar manager can handle!

This is the first email we got back from him:

Hi the Sweed,

We can't do food for that amount so late, the kitchen closed for al la carte at 11pm, however we can provide snacks. Quite honestly with the change in menu at the moment I don't want to commit to something that I may not be able to deliver later on. The easiest thing for them to do is when they arrive to order straight off the snack menu.

For bottled spirits I can offer them a 10% discount on house pour and premium spirit bottles. No discount on the food as it isn't that costly anyway.

Cheers

A** Hole

When I first read it, I was a bit taken aback as it seemed quite abrupt and unhelpful. Rachel's and my name were clearly stated in the email but instead of addressing the paying customer i.e. me, he wrote back to the Sweed. He also did not say how much the bottles of "premium spirits" were. For all I know, they could have been US$500 a bottle and even with a 10% discount, it would still have been way too expensive. And instead of worrying about committing to a plate of chicken wings or two, he should just have forwarded the snack menu. He could easily explain that it was their current menu but that the items could change by November. It's not rocket science, but obviously too much for his alcohol and tobacco saturated (lack of a) brain to get around.

My point is further proven by the next email which I received only one day later:

Hi

A thousand apologise but I have just realised that we have an event already booked on that evening...Very sorry about that.

Good luck with your wedding and I hope you have a great day.

Regards
(Still an) A** Hole

I really do wonder how A** Hole could have gotten a job in an industry where customer service is integral to running a successful business. Either he really has the gift of the gab and has the owners/management completely fooled, or they are as braindead as he is. I have been to that bar on a Friday night and even though the rest of the Quay is pumping, this place is never at capacity. I just cannot believe that he would forget that his entire bar is booked up on the same night as our wedding, or maybe he really is that stupid?!

Needless to say, I wrote back and thanked him for his unhelpfulness and told him that with his lousy attitude, he was the one who needed the luck! Sarky I know, but I honestly think it will sail right through the vacuum between his ears.

Seriously, where do they find people like him? With foreign 'talent' like that, the bar would be better off saving their money and hiring a local. What A** Hole doesn't seem to understand is that the customer is spoilt for choice along the Quay. It is a shame because even though we are only ordering two bottles of vodka as a start, I know that our guests (who LOVE to drink) will drop at least a couple of grand if not more before the night is over.

His loss and better that I find out about his incompetence four months before the wedding rather than have a major scr*w up on the night itself! What a lucky, lucky escape. Phew!

To Sell or Not to Sell

In September 2005, I was lucky enough to enter the local property market when it was at its lowest. By sheer “luck” of being in an unhappy relationship, I was looking for my escape when I bought a small two-bedroom apartment from a developer in the central part of our small island. As soon as I walked into the showflat, I knew I had to have it.

Although it would take about two years for the development to be completed, deep down I knew that it would eventually be my ticket to freedom. And even though I left the relationship long before the apartment was ready, the property has still brought me a lot of blessings.

The property market on our small island has been booming recently, with articles in the media speculating on its growth for the next year and beyond. In some ways, it almost seems like ‘panic’ buying to me as prices have risen very sharply over a very short time. It does worry me as we’ve seen from the past that there is always a boom before a bust. I would hate for the property bubble to burst as I am now a player in this sector.

There are several schools of thought floating around at the moment. Some people think that the market is already slowing down, while others believe that there is still room for growth until 2012. I would be the first to admit that I haven’t got a clue as to what will happen.

On an emotional level, I want to hang on to the apartment. It is the first home I have ever owned, although my friend DJ rudely pointed out that it still belongs to the bank! Well, they do own 80% of it, but at least I can call the balcony and bathroom my own and it is only my name on the title!

However, today I was offered a price for it which if I accepted, would give me a net return of 250% on my initial investment in under two years.

At first glance, it does look really amazing and I would be a fool not to accept the offer. But when I dig a little deeper, I realize there are other factors to consider.

If I sold my apartment now, I would never again get a property in that area for the price I paid for it. I would not be able to afford another place in a nice location until the market comes down again, and who knows that will be? As I’m unsure if the market has reached its peak, I’m also afraid of being caught in in a negative equity situation. Plus, all my money would then be invested in funds and on the stock market. And if I remember correctly, the one major rule of investing is to diversify, diversify, diversify.

I wish I had a crystal ball (don’t we all?) which I could look into to help me make the right decision.

As a wise man (who is married to an accountant) recently said to me, “You can make the right calculations, but the wrong decision.” If I go with what my heart says, it is to keep the apartment and to live in it for a while until P and I decide where we are going to settle.

It really is a beautiful seventh floor unit with lots of windows that overlooks a leafy area that has been zoned as a park. The fixtures and fittings are all very modern and stylish. There is a lap pool with a water feature at one end and the development is very close to all the facilities necessary for a convenient life i.e. restaurants, public transport, shopping, etc. It is only five minutes by car from the main shopping street.

If we should ever decide that this small island isn’t the place for us, then it should be relatively easy to rent out.

I guess since I have doubts, I won't sell and unless I’m offered an amazing amount, I’m still a property owner!