Independent Women - The Price of "Freedom"

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was sharing her laments about work. She left a great non-profit organization for a position that pays 25% more (excluding bonuses). But everything in life comes at a price and she is just not happy in her new job.

Power plays and struggles are orders of the day and regardless of how hard she tries to keep a low profile, it is virtually impossible not to be dragged into the office politics. The only way to stay out of trouble would be for her not to speak to anyone!

It sounds like a really miserable situation to me, and it got me thinking about the priorities in our lives that dictate the choices we make. My friend feels unable to leave the job because of her financial commitments. She has a fabulous apartment in the centre of town, which she has become a slave to. Though she is surrounded by modern luxury at home, she dreads going into work everyday.

She is completely ill at ease because of the tension that permeates every corner of the office. None of her colleagues feel secure in their jobs and that taints every aspect of their interactions with others. Although she tries not to let it affect her, it’s quite difficult as she constantly has to watch her back and walk on eggshells.

The way I see it is that she has one of two options. One, she can stay and suck it up. Two, she can find a job in a less stressful environment, which will also probably mean less money. Ultimately, she has to ask herself what is more important to her.

If it is her financial independence, then looking for another position that pays the equivalent will probably bring the same sort of stresses, albeit in another corporate environment.

If it is her peace of mind, then she has to make some sacrifices in the way she spends money. Or else she could take on part-time work in the evenings and at the weekends, and/or rent out her spare room.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both choices and many of us single women today have been in similar situations. Instead of having a man provide for us like our mothers or grandmothers before us, most women these days have to take care of ourselves.

I sometimes look at women who don’t have to work because their partner provides for them and I think for a second, “Ooooooo, that would be nice!” Not having to go to battle at the office every day and yet be able to buy all the gorgeous handbags and shoes in the world!

But I know myself. As I’m now “older and wiser”, I value my independence too much to give up my power and put myself in that situation. And as is the case for most of these women, the luxury lifestyle only lasts as long as the men they are with remain interested in them. It must be horrible to be beholden to someone and not being able to say what you think and do what you like because it might p*ss them off. Then your lifestyle would be taken away based solely on the whim of another person.

Inversely, if the man did something you didn't like, e.g. be unfaithful, what could you really do about it? He would just turn around and tell you to leave if you didn't like his behaviour. That would be so humiliating and I would never do that to myself.

After talking more to my friend, we’ve decided that though our lifestyles do bring their share of challenges, at least we are the masters of our own decisions. Even after P and I get married, I will work for as long as possible. That way I maintain the respect he has for me and I always have the freedom of choice.

Baby Baby Baby Part 2!

No, it is still not me who is having a baby. Check out this photo though, isn’t she adorable?

She is half Burmese, a quarter Chinese and a quarter Caucasian. This photo was taken minutes after she was born and if you look carefully, you can still see some birth slime on her ha ha.

I first met the baby’s mother, the Eurasian, when I was nine. One day when I went into class, I saw a pretty nine-year-old girl sitting at one of the desks. Even then, I had a fascination with all things Western (blame TV programs like CHIPS, Starsky and Hutch, etc), so I sidled over and introduced myself. That was the start of a friendship that has spanned 28 years and counting!

When we were kids, I really looked up to her. Our parents knew each other and I used to hang out at her house all the time. I always copied whatever she did, including buying the same bikini and tying my hair the same way as hers. The other girls in our Catholic convent school used to cry when we wouldn't let them join our 'gang'! The Eurasian and I got into quite a lot of trouble as we were very naughty. I think we provided a lot of entertainment for our teachers, and if nothing else, we certainly made them work for their money!

We lost touch for a while when we were in our 20s, but fortunately ran into each other again a few years ago. Since then, we have spent some time together and I even visited her in Myanmar where she lives.

The Eurasian and I don’t always agree on everything, but our friendship is genuine and I love her for her honesty and concern. She used to nag me when I was single to find a man and settle down, but I was just having too much fun! Of course she’s happy for me now that I’m with P and has promised she’ll be there for the wedding. Girl, I’m holding you to that!

I would just like to say congratulations on your third child and much happiness for always!

Auntieeeee! (said with our local accent)

A few days ago, I was chatting online with my friend in Elvisland. I told her that I was starting a scrapbooking class in July and she laughed saying, "Hey, only the 'aunties' here do that!" Well, either I've mellowed out since meeting P eight months ago, or I really am an 'auntie' now!

It's 11pm on a Friday night, and the old me would have been living it up at one of the clubs, getting happily sloshed with a vodka cranberry in hand while watching strange men get their tongues pierced .

Tonight, I took out all of my scrapbooking supplies and starting organizing photos, papers and stickers for my wedding album while cooling off with a Ribena.

When I realized what I was doing, I was so disconcerted that I had to get up and write this entry. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!!

The answer is that after all these years, I've simply fallen in love with a man who has become my best friend. He is always on my side. It sounds like such a cliche and I'm not the romantic type, but there is no other way I can describe it. We have been through so much together, but instead of pushing us apart, the challenges have actually strengthened the bond between us.

As I write this, P is on a flight back to Brrrringland. I am very proud to say that after only six weeks of looking for a job, he was offered a position as the IT Manager for a small local company in Melbourne. But we did some tax calculating and soul searching, and concluded that it would be more prudent for him to work back home where the salaries are higher. So he turned the post down.

Although we have an idea of where we want to go, we are not making too many plans as life has a strange way of doing what it wants! We are both very excited about our future and getting married in November (hence the scrapbooking).

Without realizing it, I've somehow outgrown my old lifestyle. The things that mattered to me then, don't matter to me now. There is more I'd like to say on this, but I will keep it for another time. It's almost midnight and this 'auntie' has to haul a** and get to bed!

Life is Full of Both Happy and Sad

The good news first: Clippers and 20 other women reached their goal and more when they shaved their heads on 19 May for the Children’s Cancer Foundation. Their target was S$250,000 and to date, the donations stand at S$280,000! Well done to them! This is a very cute photo of how they all look after they got their heads shaved:


On a sadder note, my dad’s sister-in-law lost her battle with lymphoma and passed away earlier this week. P and I went to the funeral yesterday with my dad and his partner. It was a quiet and dignified ceremony, which symbolized the type of woman my aunt was.

I’m sorry that I didn’t know her better, although she was always a part of my childhood visits to my grandparents’ home. She was a very private person and not many people outside of the family knew she was ill. However, she really was a fighter and though it’s a small comfort to those she left behind, they can be proud that she did the best she could.

My aunt’s immediate family and my dad’s sisters did an amazing job of looking after her during her illness and I know it has been stressful for them, especially since my dad’s baby sister is also living with liver/bone cancer.

This has again reminded me how tenuous life is and how quickly things can change. I am more determined than ever to enjoy what I have and to spend as much quality time with my dad as possible.

Do continue to keep my family in your prayers and please donate generously to all cancer charities. Thank you and lots of love!