Service with a Smile?

Sod that, make it a scowl and you might even have to pay for it if you're lucky!

What is it with lousy service at F&B establishments on our small island? Not only did we have trouble finding a venue to host our wedding dinner, it is also not proving easy to find a fun place for our guests to party afterwards.

My flatmate Rachel recently started dating a very cool guy, the Sweed, who manages an up and coming bar in the financial district. I thought it would be nice to show our support and have the post-dinner drinks at their group's other bar which is by the river. Along the same lines, the outdoor venue where we are celebrating our wedding is owned by a long-time friend of mine, and his very successful F&B group provides incredibly good service.

So when Rachel recommended this post-party place, I thought it would work out well as our wedding venue is only a short bum boat ride away. The bar is called 'the activity that people do when they have s*x with someone for one night and never see them again'. I don't understood that phrase though, as there is normally more laying down involved! At least if you are my age and have gammy knees ha ha.

Anyway, the Sweed spoke to the bar manager (for accuracy's sake, let's call him A** Hole) and Rachel followed up with an email informing him of our requirements. Basically we wanted to reserve a seating area for 20 people next to the dance floor, purchase a couple of vodka bottles, have light snacks for our guests at midnight, and for the DJ to play our first dance song, "Everything" by Michael Buble. Not too difficult you might think, but evidently more so than this expatriate bar manager can handle!

This is the first email we got back from him:

Hi the Sweed,

We can't do food for that amount so late, the kitchen closed for al la carte at 11pm, however we can provide snacks. Quite honestly with the change in menu at the moment I don't want to commit to something that I may not be able to deliver later on. The easiest thing for them to do is when they arrive to order straight off the snack menu.

For bottled spirits I can offer them a 10% discount on house pour and premium spirit bottles. No discount on the food as it isn't that costly anyway.

Cheers

A** Hole

When I first read it, I was a bit taken aback as it seemed quite abrupt and unhelpful. Rachel's and my name were clearly stated in the email but instead of addressing the paying customer i.e. me, he wrote back to the Sweed. He also did not say how much the bottles of "premium spirits" were. For all I know, they could have been US$500 a bottle and even with a 10% discount, it would still have been way too expensive. And instead of worrying about committing to a plate of chicken wings or two, he should just have forwarded the snack menu. He could easily explain that it was their current menu but that the items could change by November. It's not rocket science, but obviously too much for his alcohol and tobacco saturated (lack of a) brain to get around.

My point is further proven by the next email which I received only one day later:

Hi

A thousand apologise but I have just realised that we have an event already booked on that evening...Very sorry about that.

Good luck with your wedding and I hope you have a great day.

Regards
(Still an) A** Hole

I really do wonder how A** Hole could have gotten a job in an industry where customer service is integral to running a successful business. Either he really has the gift of the gab and has the owners/management completely fooled, or they are as braindead as he is. I have been to that bar on a Friday night and even though the rest of the Quay is pumping, this place is never at capacity. I just cannot believe that he would forget that his entire bar is booked up on the same night as our wedding, or maybe he really is that stupid?!

Needless to say, I wrote back and thanked him for his unhelpfulness and told him that with his lousy attitude, he was the one who needed the luck! Sarky I know, but I honestly think it will sail right through the vacuum between his ears.

Seriously, where do they find people like him? With foreign 'talent' like that, the bar would be better off saving their money and hiring a local. What A** Hole doesn't seem to understand is that the customer is spoilt for choice along the Quay. It is a shame because even though we are only ordering two bottles of vodka as a start, I know that our guests (who LOVE to drink) will drop at least a couple of grand if not more before the night is over.

His loss and better that I find out about his incompetence four months before the wedding rather than have a major scr*w up on the night itself! What a lucky, lucky escape. Phew!